雅思作文6分,这个作文水平复议可以上6.5分吗?
2020-01-19 04:53:01 78
昨天9月28日的雅思考试出分后,有位同学就找到我们的一个老师,希望给点建议,是否可以申请复议?
大家一起来看看同学的作文,以及我们老师的点评,加粗部分是老师的点评。
In some countries, difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in past. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages?
These days people tend to get married at an older age, which leads to a greater age gap between parents and children. In my opinion, this trend is of great benefit to children, while at same time parents have to suffer its downside.(我忘了具体的语言组织,但是开头段大概是这个几点内容)
Parents can give children more support and advice when children grow to adults.
——此句与本文无关联
As parents today tend to receive high education and have children at an older age, y are experienced. Therefore, y can give some advice for ir children’s study or some suggestions about life. (我只能记起部分的语言组织,有些可能跟考场的不一样了,但是主体段落第一段观点就是这个)
——本段看不到对家长和孩子年龄差异利弊的讨论。任务回应和逻辑不评分
Anor advantage of this trend is that parents can provide better living standards for children.
——观点句可以
Nowadays people usually go to university to improve ir job prospects and n find an good employment before getting married. Consequently, y can earn more money and ensure that ir children can lead a better quality of life. (我还拿结婚太早的不成熟的父母进行了对比,他们无法确保孩子的生活水平,但是我忘记我怎么组织语言的了,感觉那句观点写得好像一般甚至可能没表述好,但语法错误应该没有)
——段落论述从写出来的部分看仍旧看不到对家长和孩子年龄差异利弊的讨论。过去的人结婚前也有工作和收入来源。另外父母不成熟为什么会无法保障生活水平?常规的论述是年龄大的父母意味着工作时间更长收入和积蓄更多。
However, downside of big age gap is that parents still have to support ir children in ir fifties or even sixties.
——这是现象表述不是观点句。看不到利弊
It is common for children to go to university today and some of m even want to get a master’s degree, and education fee is high, which put a huge strain on parents.
——这个句子和你的上一句没有关联,同时和本文的家长孩子年龄差异大利弊讨论没有关联
In conclusion, great age gap between parents and children is beneficial to children, and downside can be addressed by children doing some part-time jobs.(具体语句已经记不清了,观点还记得,就是这样的)
我当时每一段应该拓展得比较充分(也可能导致了一些累赘),我写到了第二页页底,可能字数有点超。 小作文的话我觉得我写得不错的,总结得也很到位。
本文任务回应和逻辑论述总体不太好,我是考官给5.5分。如果不是大作文6分,那么即使复议到大作文6分(我觉得概率把握不乐观),小作文需要7-7.5才能使写作单项到6.5。个人建议供你参考。